The Orderof theSoop

Two Britons, one chiller cabinet, and a standing agreement about the late-night pick-up that a 500ml can of Dragon Soop reliably delivers.

Founded in a back garden◆ Membership 2◆ Strictly 18+

Read on

I. The Devout

Both members, in full.

The entire congregation, photographed on separate occasions, neither of them at their best, both of them certain.

Portrait of the first member, in an England shirt in a garden at dusk
Member No. 1

The Garden Faithful

Sworn in under the festoon lights, England shirt still on, sunglasses parked at the collar for a sun that had already gone.

Portrait of the second member, indoors, wide awake
Member No. 2

The Wide-Awake Watchman

Holds the late shift. Sofa-bound, entirely lucid, hour unknown. This is the face the caffeine is for.

II. The Sacrament

What is actually in the tin.

No poetry in this bit. These are the numbers on the side of the original 7.5% can.

  • 500millilitres
  • 7.5%alcohol by volume
  • 3.75UK units per can
  • 175mg caffeine per can
  • 35mg caffeine per 100ml
  • +2taurine & guarana

Brewed by Corinthian Brands (CBL) Limited of North Yorkshire. The house also keeps Dragon Soop X at 12% in a 440ml resealable can, caffeine-free, and Vodka Ice at 3.4%. The Order recognises the original only.

III. The Litany of Flavours

Named in order of the chiller.

Sixteen at last count across the range. Colours here are ours, not theirs — an approximation for reading, not a swatch book.

IV. The Doctrine

Four things we hold to be true.

On the corner shop

The cabinet at the back of the shop is the only altar this Order requires. It hums. It is lit from within by a strip light that has never once been changed. It asks nothing of you but the walk, and the walk is short.

On the hour

Others go quiet at eleven. The Order does not. One can carries roughly the caffeine of two espressos alongside its 3.75 units, and this is the whole point: the pick-up arrives exactly when the evening was going to give up. Wide awake, and not remotely sensible about it.

On the flavour question

There is no correct flavour. There is only the one you reached for, which was Dark Fruit Punch, and the one you claim you reached for, which was Rhubarb & Custard. Both are permitted. Debating it in a bus shelter is not merely permitted but expected.

On being British about it

Devotion is expressed by apologising to the can before opening it, saying go on then as though talked into it, and describing 500ml of 7.5% caffeinated alcopop as a swift one. Anything more sincere would be embarrassing for everyone.

V. The Rites

Laid down in the group chat, 14th August, 20:36.

Not proposed. Not discussed. Sent as consecutive messages, amended once before midnight, and immediately binding on both members.

I

The Opening

At least one Soop must be drunk before a night out. The night does not begin at the door of the venue. It begins at the chiller, and it begins on time.

Laid down by James G
II

The Hour

Always at 23:30. Not 23:00, which is optimistic, and not midnight, which is too late to be of any use to anyone.

And only when you already know it is going to get wavey. The Order does not open a can in hope. It opens one in confirmation.

Added by amendment, same evening
III

The Vessel

The can stays with you. All night, every venue, no exceptions. And every drink taken thereafter must be decanted into the can and drunk only from the can.

A pint: into the can. A round of shots: into the can. Something a barman spent four minutes stirring with a long spoon: into the can, and he will watch you do it.

Laid down by James G
IV

The Declaration

Should anyone ask where you are from, you will present the can, reply only “I'm from the Soop”, and then remove your trousers.

No county. No postcode. No follow-up questions entertained, though there will be follow-up questions.

Laid down by James G
V

The Ascent

Upon the challenger's fourth can, he leaves the atmosphere. This is not a metaphor and the Order has built the equipment to prove it.

Proposed by D. West

Standing by. The challenger is sober, upright, and full of ideas about the evening.

VI. Read aloud at every meeting

Wide awake drunk is still drunk.

The joke above is a joke. The stimulants are not — caffeine masks how drunk you feel without making you any less drunk, which is precisely why this category gets the attention it does.

  • One 500ml can is 3.75 units. The UK low-risk guideline is 14 units a week, spread across three or more days — that is under four cans, for the whole week.
  • Roughly 175mg of caffeine per can sits on top of that. Sleep is not on the agenda.
  • Sold to over-18s only, and worth a look at Drinkaware if the late-night pick-up has stopped being occasional.